Chapter VI-Step Back,Go Forward

My spiritual struggle of placing full trust in the Lord had reached a breaking point. I was straining. A battle had begun brewing between my Christian faith and the worldly humanistic perspective that was blocking out the whole meaning of Proverbs 3:5-6. The tug of war which was raging inside of me began to awaken cravings for cigarettes once again. Trembling hands and brain fog began to cycle anxiety through my body. Despite fighting them off, frustration grew. I had to tell my problems to someone. After explaining to my mother that I felt as if there was a roadblock in my life, she calmly responded by referencing my upbringing as a child. “Follow God and everything will fall into place,” she said softly. Confused by her answer, I asked her to explain further what she meant. “I have been trying too, but I feel lost. What do you mean by that Mom?” She replied with a quote from Dr. Bob Jones which was simply, “Finish the job.” Dr. Bob Jones Jr. used to preach frequently at the church I attended growing up. Reassured by her direct answer, I retreated to my room to ponder what this meant to my direction in life, and how these dots could be connected. With no realistic career in the future, a rocky relationship, and only an inkling of what my true passions were, I needed to self-reflect.

While praying to the Lord that evening for guidance, memories of my childhood raced through my mind. I kept coming back to a time when I was doing yard work for our Pastor’s wife. She was kind enough to employ me for a summer when I was a teenager. One day, she invited me into her home for a snack and Bible study. At the end of our study, she mentioned that she was willing to pay for my schooling at Bob Jones University once I graduated from high school. I was speechless. Looking at her with a blank uncomfortable stare I got up, went outside, and ran away. It felt awkward accepting help from someone else. A person has to make their own way in life. Skipping church services just to avoid her became normal afterward. That night it occurred to me that, my mother’s answer was correct. I had literally run from the plan God had for me. Tears began to run down my cheeks as I muttered, “I have turned my back on God.”

Through the confusion, I began researching Bob Jones University. I held the notion that a return to God’s plan which I had refused to accept so many years ago was God’s direction now. During my investigation, a webpage of quotes from Dr. Bob Jones Sr. appeared in my query results. Clicking on the link rattled me. Dr. Bob Jones Sr. stated, “The Devil did not tempt Adam and Eve to steal, to lie, to kill, to commit adultery; he tempted them to live independent of God”(AZ Quotes Bob Jones,Sr). Choosing to live independent from God so many years ago was where I had gone off course. Immediately, I prayed. “Dear God, Please cleanse me from my wrongdoings.” Overwhelmed with sorrow, I knew to return to a Christian university to grow my spiritual gifts, and finish the job which God had placed before I was right. A week later in Bible study, He further reminded me that I was still a child and I needed to return to His state of mind before I could fully grow. Mark 10:15 states, “Verily I say unto you, whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. And He took them up in His arms, put His hands upon them, and blessed them”(Holy Bible- King James Version 1990). During the spring of 2018, I enrolled in summer courses at Liberty University. Now, a new journey begins.

Works Cited

Jones, Bob, Sr. quoted in Hanson, Robert A. Self-Love Out of Control, Plymouth: Xulon Press, 2004.

Jones, Bob, Sr. “AZ Quotes Bob Jones,Sr” . https://www.azquotes.com/quote/797771.

Holy Bible- King James Version . Thomas Nelson Publishers , 1990.