The route taken from childhood to adulthood is a lucid illustration of both nature and nurture working together as a result of the God given element of free will in life. Therefore it can be stated that, human beings are influenced by others around them, and learned behavioral traits can be passed down to future generations. With this in mind, under the umbrella of child discipline, it is incumbent upon us to examine the courses of corrective action utilized by parents on their children. Although disciplinal methods and techniques vary in every household, there is a common bond of recognition of the need for checks and balances by parental units. Essentially, this is where the conflict between rules and free will begins. A perfect example of this can be seen in Genesis chapters two and three in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve, who were God’s children, disobeyed the Lord by using their own free will to eat the forbidden fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. This humanistic disobedience has continued battle God’s standard of ethics in every facet of life including in the arena of child discipline. Today, parents that use militaristic discipline by way of spanking their children when they act up is often considered abusive, disgraceful, and shameful by society. This way of thinking has driven popular consensus to hold the opinion that permissive parenting is the proper disciplinary style that should be used to raise children. The danger here is that by only subscribing to one way of thinking, a one dimensionality becomes an absolute when it comes to child discipline. This creates myths which lead to disputes between dating and married couples on how to properly punish children when they misbehave. Furthermore, this establishes a wedge between our relationships with the Lord similar to what occurred with Adam and Eve when they disobeyed God’s law. Ultimately, the techniques of child discipline cannot be boiled down to one way of thinking because the methods we use will impact our children’s children. When examining discipline in reference to parenting, we can see that history dictates that it is absolutely essential to have an established framework in a household, or chaos can swiftly ensue by creating unnecessary problems within the family unit. This solid structure allows parents to engage their children in a manner that resonates to their child’s level of comprehension while maintaining a sense of calmness within the family. In the New Testament of the Holy Bible the Apostle Paul clarifies the Lord’s structure of family. Ephesians 6:1-4 of the King James Version states, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”(Holy Bible ). To enumerate, God’s Word is indicating here that melancholy is to be avoided within the family, and that God is to be the central focus of the household through every action. With this in mind, it is worth noting that the context behind these verses is specifically God’s structure to directly address the free will of man’s sinful nature. Through simple honest and commanding language God has firmly established ground rules for us to follow while disciplining our children. A contention can be made here that, corrective action on our children must not begin with punishment, but rather it starts with a foundation for which to control our free will which is iniquitous by nature. In other words, having regulations opens the door for permissive parenting to occur, and when the ground rules get broken the parenting model shifts to an authoritarian/militaristic style which enters into play in order to rein in deviant behavior. All in all, discipline is about breaking the free will of wanting to disobey. The intention of this paper is to address the techniques of disciplinary measures along with the myths, the effectiveness, and the impacts of corrective action on children.
To open, this begs the question, how do we discipline our children effectively while not being too lenient for them to take advantage of us as parents? It has been said that, if you do not discipline your kids then society will do it for you so the need for discipline is indeed great. With this in mind, if we look to the Bible we can see how God used discipline as a tool to instruct. In the book of Genesis chapters two and three (the story of the fall of mankind) we saw God utilize a permissive yet forceful calmness while disciplining Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Genesis 3:16-21 of the King James Version states , “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. Unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them”(Holy Bible ). It is crucial to mention that, after questioning Adam and Eve about their disobedience God punished them through love, and He provided them with the necessities to adapt with the punishment. In other words, the Lord took a permissive approach by wanting them to understand their wrongful behavior, and maintained an authoritarian style to disciplinary action. Given this point, how are we able to utilize both models of discipline as keys to being successful parents in regards to raising our kids?
Generally speaking, most typical households believe in levels of punishment which can range from timeout, grounding, or spanking depending upon the severity of noncompliant behavior by their children. For example, spanking children today is considered extremely abusive by the social norms set by society, and the Bible warns against becoming soft disciplinarians by failing to utilize this level of punishment. Proverbs 23: 13-14 of the King James Version states, “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell”(Holy Bible ). It should be noted that, these two verses often become twisted out of context to either promote or denounce spanking children. With this in mind it is essential to understand that this text is referencing the sinful nature of mankind which is free will, and it is our job as parents (who are branches from the vine of Christ Jesus, John 15:5) to raise our children properly under Him as previously referenced in Ephesians 6 of the New Testament. In view of this, spanking is a disciplinarian tool which is available for parents to use when they see fit to correct, and break the free will of their disobedient children. In the book entitled, The Primordial Violence Spanking Children, Psychological Development, Violence and Crime, the authors state that, “We define corporal punishment as the use of physical force with the intention of causing a child to experience pain, but not injury, for the purpose of correction or control of the child’s behavior”(Straus, Douglas and Medeiros 3). This definition follows the guidelines of most laws within the United States regarding spanking as a disciplinary instrument, and this clarifies that spanking is not beating children.
Moving forward, since we have established spanking children as a device in the disciplinary toolkit, we should examine the myths behind spanking as a disciplinal action. Is spanking children going away any time soon? The global answer to this question is relatively mixed. “A study of Egyptian college students (Hassan & Al-Jubari, 2016) revealed that 64.4% women and 33.1% men preferred complete submission to their parents. In Saudi Arabia, a study (Dwairy, 2006, p. 53) revealed that in a sample of female college students, 67.5% reported being physically punished for various reasons from time to time, and around 65% of them justified the treatment”(Mohammed and Samak 1733). One key takeaway from these results is that spanking is warranted when disciplining children under the umbrella of breaking the disobedient free will of the child to become inclined to submit to authority.
Adjacent to this, by the same token, there are those that hold the belief that spanking is an ineffective tool for correcting children when they misbehave. In the article The God who spanks? Biblical Perspectives on Divine Punishment & Christian Parenting Matthew Huckel mentions, “In 2009 the New Zealand government passed a motion to ban the smacking (spanking) of children, thereby joining a growing number of nations that regard spanking children as a form of assault. The ban was highly influenced by research done by Anne Smith (2006) who studied all the known scientific studies on physical punishment of children and found that there was very little evidence to suggest it should be kept in the parental repertoire of discipline methods (Smith, 124)”(Huckel). As can be seen, we have conflicting answers to the question whether spanking is effective through the human perspective, and this is why we cannot allow one dimensional thinking to cloud our judgments concerning child discipline. As Christians we have the guidance of the Holy Bible along with the discernment of the Holy Spirit to help us find the answers to the complexities of life such as proper child discipline. John 14:6 of the King James Version states, “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me”(Holy Bible ). We need to remember that as Christians we are His children first so we need to submit to Christ to seek His answers, His comfort, and His truths.
Shifting slightly, we need to analyze the myth of spanking that can lead to more aggressive behavior in children. In the book Child development: Myths and misunderstandings Jean Mercer states that:
“Gershoff’s reviews (2002, 2010) reported that, although corporal punishment was effective in stopping unwanted behavior in the short term, it was associated with greater child aggression and emotional disturbance in later years. But a commentary on this work pointed out that Gershoff had combined in her review reports on the effects of more serious and intense forms of physical punishment, not just studies of spanking (Larzelere & Baumrind, 2010). The commentary authors argued that spanking could form a part of the authoritative parenting style so often reported to have excellent outcomes in terms of behavior and school achievement.”(Mercer)
Again here we have differing opinions based upon the effectiveness of spanking along with a misunderstanding of the generic definition of corporal punishment. Spanking as previously defined, is a tool that may be used to discipline the free will of a child without bringing harm to them physically or psychologically. This definition actually repositions the studies on the effectiveness of spanking as a disciplinary measure under the notion of allowing the parents to understand when it is proper to spank children, how to spank them, and more importantly how to communicate with children when spanking as an authoritative action becomes necessary. The book entitled, Loving Your Child Too Much: How to Keep a Close Relationship with Your Child Without Overindulging, Overprotecting or Overcontrolling states, “If your relationship with your kids consists mostly of discipline, correction, yelling, spanking, or grounding, then somewhere along the way from the delivery room to here you’ve lost the heart of the relationship”(Clinton and Sibcy). To emphasize, the authors are stating here that discipline begins with structure, and if there is no foundational framework within the family unit then chaotic actions of anger become dominant forces of learned behavior in the household. This is why communication is vital within the family, and further establishes that parents are responsible for the how they discipline their kids. As a matter a fact, an adamant contention can be made here that, spanking when used as the sole disciplinary method on children can cause horrific repercussions. The central fabric of child discipline that we learn when studying the Bible illustrates the importance of thinking before we act as parents, and to be aligned properly with Christ Jesus because we set examples for our children, our friends, and our neighbors.
By looking through this perspective lens, we can remove ourselves from the echo chamber of spanking as one specific form of discipline, and this allows us to see a bigger picture. The disciplinary techniques of grounding children when they act up or sending them to time out are effective tools parents can use when children disobey. In the Journal of Child and Family Studies, the article entitled, Assessing Specific Discipline Techniques: A Mixed-Methods Approach, the authors reference the importance of disciplinary structure by stating, “To this effect, a conceptual framework (Stein and Perrin 1998) has been proposed that considers effective discipline as a system which includes three vital elements: (1) supportive positive parent–child relationship that promotes learning; (2) proactive DTs for fostering desired child behaviors (e.g., positive reinforcement techniques: praise, rewards); (3) specific DTs for decreasing or eliminating undesired child behaviors (e.g., timeout, removal of privileges) when undesired behavior is manifested”(Passin, Pihet and Favez). One key fact that must not be overlooked here is that communication is the driving influence behind this format for this family framework, and disciplinary techniques (DT’s) are interwoven to create a positive family atmosphere.
Another important element to consider when examining the significance of communication in child discipline is how parents of disabled children correct them when they act up. According to Sullivan and Shawler, “parent training programs involving children with Autism Spectrum Disorder only concentrate on behavior of the child while ignoring the relationship between parent and child”(Shawler and Sullivan). With careful attention to communication within the family unit, it is unfathomable that this vital component is neglected when conducting programs to train parents of children with the disability of Autism. Communication is already lacking within most families today so, it is reasonable to theorize that the dominant accepted social norm of brokenness of these families is contaminating scientific studies forcing us to forget the fundamentals of family structure. Sullivan and Shawler both conclude that, “Parents may benefit from specific behavioral treatments to handle common child disruptive behavior problems when problems are oppositional in nature versus a skill deficit”(Shawler and Sullivan). With this in mind, a strong argument can be made here that, all families would benefit from a therapeutic education involving the reinstatement of communication within the framework of the household.
All in all, we have seen that by zeroing in on specific types of disciplinary techniques that, we as humans have in a sense lost touch with the bigger picture when it comes to corrective action when our children misbehave. George Holden and Brigitte Vittrup state that, “The goal of discipline is to shape the child into being an appropriately self-regulated individual”(Vittrup and W.Holden). In order to follow through with this definition of discipline parents need to establish boundaries with one another, and their children so that when free will attempts to push the limits of set rules a firm understanding can take place. Therefore, it should be noted that, this can only begin when communication is instilled within the family structure. In the book entitled, The Whole Brain Child, Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson state, “We want to help our children become better integrated so that they can use their whole brain in a coordinated way”(Siegel). As parents God requires us to look to Him for guidance, and He keeps us grounded under His protection. Hebrews 12:11 of the King James Version states, “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby”(Holy Bible ). In brief, we need to be better educated and disciplined as parents before we decide which course of actions to take when correcting our children’s misbehavior. Additionally, we need to choose the proper form of punishment in a calm manner so that we are not lashing out at our children in revengeful anger. When a sense of collectedness is behind either permissive or authoritarian disciplinary actions, it allows parents to provide reasoning with their children in such a way that helps their brains understand they were wrong. This way when children face similar circumstances in the future they will recall the reasoning behind their parent’s disciplinary techniques, and will pass the instilled value of communication on to their own children when they become parents.
Works Cited
Clinton, Tim and Gary Sibcy. Loving Your Child Too Much: How to Keep a Close Relationship with Your Child Without Overindulging, Overprotecting or Overcontrolling. Nashville,Tenn: Thomas Nelson Publishers , 2006.
Holy Bible . Thomas Nelson Publishers , 1997.
Huckel, Matthew. “The God who spanks? Biblical Perspectives on Divine Punishment & Christian Parenting.” Lutheran Theological Journal 50.2 (2016): 155-166. <https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/The-God-Who-Spanks-Biblical-Perspectives-on-Divine-Huckel/7264f00974b87e07529b3069d556bf45a8e46561>
Mercer, Jean. Child development: Myths and misunderstandings. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc., 2013. <https://sk.sagepub.com/books/child-development-myths-misunderstandings-2e>
Mohammed, Nisreen Yacoub and Yasser Abdelazim Abdelmawgoud Samak. “Spoil the Rod and Save.” (2017).<https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0886260517698703?journalCode=jiva>
Passin, Christina Moses, Sandrine Pihet and Nicolas Favez. “Assessing specific discipline techniques: A mixed-methods approach.” Journal of Child and Family Studies 23.8 (2014): 1389-1402.<https://doc.rero.ch/record/324845/files/10826_2013_Article_9796.pdf>
Shawler, Paul M. and Maureen A. Sullivan. “Parental Stress, Discipline Strategies, and Child Behavior Problems in Families With Young Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders .” Focus on Autism and Other Developmental Disabilities 32.2 (2017): 142-151.<https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1088357615610114>
Siegel, Daniel J. The Whole Brain Child. New York,NY: Delacorte Press, 2011. 11 November 2018. <https://www.nlb.gov.sg/biblio/14306008>
Straus, Murray A., Emily M. Douglas and Rose Anne Medeiros. The Primordial Violence-Spanking Children, Psychological Development, Violence, and Crime. New York : Routledge , 2013. <https://www.researchgate.net/publication/259635319_Murray_A_Straus_Emily_M_Douglas_and_Rose_Anne_Mederios_Primordial_Violence_Spanking_Children_Psychological_Development_Violence_and_Crime>
Vittrup, Brigitte and George W.Holden. “Children’s assessments of corporal punishment and other disciplinary practices: The role of age, race, SES, and exposure to spanking.” Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology 31.3 (2010): 211-220. <https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ881126>
