Chapter II-Battle of Addiction
Despite having a strong Christian upbringing through church and private school, I chose my own path in life because that made the most sense to me. The comforts I once gained from partying late into the night and smoking cigarettes were transformed into personal struggles. Cravings for nicotine became stronger with each passing day. My fingers were constantly twitching. Anxiousness grew as my body begged for a cigarette. Lying down in bed each night, I closed my eyelids with hopes of escaping the unhealthy prison bars of the habit. Images of being surrounded by still waters that run deep in search of tranquility became a common dream for weeks. I tread, ripped, and shoved the urge away to break free from the dam of addiction, but my attempts only intensified the waves of cravings. Each sensation was a blow to my body that forced me to attack back with more vigor. Turning fear into fuel that energized my state of consciousness I prayed for strength. “Dear Lord, please provide me with a path to comfort.”
Before opening my eyes one morning, a minute crack in the dam appeared to be taking form. Without warning, it burst, and a whipping tidal wave slammed my torso like a rag doll floating helplessly down a raging river. The immense chaotic pressure pushed me further and further into the dark river depths. Filled with fear and reaching into every pocket for a lighter I thought, I need to have a cigarette. Fighting the riptide, my arms began to weaken, and a comatose state engulfed my entire body as a tremendous light flashed overhead. The fog from my brain was removed. Fingers were no longer tense. Clearing both eyes revealed a new peaceful stillness. This could be the ataraxis I was longing for. With the dam broken the cravings seem to have passed. After glancing around the serene environment, I realized that I was in the center of a lake that was as smooth as glass, I headed towards the shoreline. Just as my head peaked out of the water, my eyes opened remembering a recent Bible study.
I began to recite 2 Corinthians 12:9 which reads, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (Holy Bible- King James Version , 1990). In an instant, a riptide of elation overtook my entire being. I bellowed out, “Thank you, Lord!” which reverberated across the rolling hills of the meadow. I fell to my knees and looked up to the heavens expressing gratitude to God Almighty for His grace, His faith, His charity, His hope. It is His grace that saved my soul. He allowed me to view the storms of life’s ocean through a different perspective lens. This victory over nicotine addiction which God had granted me opened the door to share this story with friends. Now a focus on how to serve Him instead of engaging in conflict with old habits could begin. God was working in me. He was centering my identity in Him through His grace, His charity, and His faith.
Stay tuned for Chapter III…
Works Cited
Holy Bible- King James Version . (1990). Thomas Nelson Publishers .
