Chapter III-Growth Hurts
As an “only” child, most of my life I held the belief that privacy and isolation were essential for my own self-preservation. Loneliness, solidarity, and desolation became my greatest sanctuaries. Parties and smoking cigarettes were outlets for any socializing. This was normal until that wonderful day in March of 2018 when God refined my heart. Being called to a higher ground changed my perspective on life. Compelled to share my new outlook with friends, one spring evening as it approached midnight, I prayed to the Lord. “Please God, how can I serve?”
Holding my hands on my head, the urge to pen a letter to Haley and John that shared any emotion was heavy. Feeling nervous, uneasy, and anxious my mind went numb from writer’s block. Just then, I recalled a verse from Bible study. The words came pouring out. Proverbs 27:6 states, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Holy Bible- King James Version , 1990). God was showing me I had not been a complete friend. Wounds were still open that needed to heal. Simply stated, God was instructing me to crawl before attempting to walk.
A sense of depression blended with guilt overtook my being. This habit of self-preservation was a hostage crisis that was robbing each individual friendship. My sinful state of isolation was eating away at God’s creation. Putting up facades whenever those close to me reached out to help had hurt everyone. Transparency and the shared experiences of life should be the ultimate ingredient in all relationships. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 states, “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up” (Holy Bible- King James Version , 1990). Ultimately, God was molding me into whom He created me to be! I realized He was instructing me to fully surrender to Him, and break free from the learned isolationist behavior that was once in my heart so often during times of duress. As I wrote the letter to Haley and John, I confessed that by hiding within myself I was placing my faith in the sinful nature of man instead of the Lord.
Stay tuned for Chapter IV…
Works Cited
Holy Bible- King James Version . (1990). Thomas Nelson Publishers .
